'Nowhere's Home, and i'm all wrong ...'

... and so this 'summer vacation' begins.

i still haven't had a chance to breathe--or else, i've denied myself the opportunity. Then again, should the opportunity be present, and i try to allow myself that breath, i'm still not certain i'd be able to appreciate it. i've been holding my breath since before packing and coming back with my family had become a reality, just hoping it was a dream. Perhaps i've forgotten how to breathe ... perhaps it's best this way for the time being.

But i'm waiting--not sure what for, but i'm waiting. i feel anxious, as if i know something is going to happen. Be it good or bad, i don't know, but something's coming ... i feel it. Maybe it's something inside of me--maybe i'm changing. But he was right, i have changed. So it is plausible that the changes in the real life are just now meeting with the separate life. After all of this, i don't think i'm prepared for the two lives to become acquainted. The difference between one life and the other is this: at Home, They may ask you to change. But in the separate life, They ask, correction: need you to change for Them--become what They want you to be. Become what They need you to be.

What am i, then, if i'm not living for Them ... all of Them.

... Home at its best--a ledge. a purple sky. someone to share it with : ) thank you!!