for the many faces of Fate.
if that's even your real name--
past.present.future.
*
[all this time, i'd been searching for how i'd wronged you..]
to make you burn for something else. the more answers i asked for, the less you spoke. the more i needed, the less you gave. the more you said you'd be there, the farther and faster you ran. that's when i learned the difference between there and here.
i've grown tired of the games and the wordplay. of running, circular arguments, subtleties and undertones. your psychological probing and sociological experiments. twist my mind and analyse my tongue as you will. i have no desire to entertain your distorted image of me. i'm no victim, project, or poor soul needing your pity. you know enough of me to hold a graceful conversation filled with politically correct terms and inoffensive mannerisms, to impress the one standing by and lending an ear for eavesdrop. though you don't know enough to see what it is i need--i'm stronger than you know, yet weaker than you might imagine. that's right, i said it. vulnerable. to you..but you'll never see me cry. i've nothing to prove, while i'm sure i'll forever have much to explain.
[whenever you're ready.]
*
he watched
as it fell from his hand
without thought,
lacking feeling,
and devoid of comprehension--
he was numb to the shattered.
photo courtesy of ricardo cacciato
*
odd as it may be, you might say that i'm mildly discomforted when in all the 'right' places. their places. then i come here only to find myself
comfortably misplaced.
they try to convince me to want something else, all for naught. name it what you'd like: unorthodox rebellion. anarchy. an intrinsic desire to escape their rigid mold. rather, maybe it's an almost gravitational pull to the inescapable.
*
i heard a whisper, turned around, and saw you watching over me...
will you stay until i fall asleep?
3 comments:
i've grown tired of the games and the wordplay. of running . . . i'm sure i'll forever have much to explain.
Of all that u write, this seems to me the part I can most relate to. I dont know why, but I feel i've felt like this for a long time. I am most uncomfortable when someone I care about, starts experimenting on my patience. As I had said, in my relationships, i've learned, someone ALWAYS gives up on you!
i know it could be boring for you, you may not relate to it.
ive recently made peace with myself, my fate, n God.
it was just a moment of realization that brought me back, but this time not to the world but home.
i still dont connect to the world, but for the moment im infact happy with myself, my fate, n my God. though things are still the same, but may be ive submitted myself to Him, n His written fate. My matters are solely His concern, i dont need to worry for that, i'll just keep being myself, keep doing what i can do, n leave the rest for Him to worry about.
ive been strong like a rock
ive been numb. though still misplaced in the world, i can feel life in me.
your right im misplaced in many ways infact more than ever. but its no more about fitting myself in. its a different struggle now. as im not looking for comfort outside, i dont expect them to give me anything except inspiration, but i want to connect at some level to give them what ive got. that would be my place.
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