you talk about knowing voices...all of you, as though i wouldn't know one if i heard it. thought i'd set your mind at ease on this one, at least: i know your voices. maybe it's not a matter of distinguishing between new voices, but of recognizing the old ones. maybe you've just forgotten the sound of a voice.

lectures...everywhere. every day, that's all anyone wants to do. class: a lecture on technology. 'home': a lecture on dedication to...whatever it is i'm supposed to be dedicated to this week. the sidewalk: lecture on sidewalk manners. cafeteria: another lecture..don't do that..you always have this look. phone call: who would have thought? another someone offering me a lectu--erm, i mean, a friendly piece of advice. ah sure...They mean well. it's 'talking'.

..right. talking.talk.gibber.jabber.jab.twist.pull.toss.

could i ask an obvious question? what about listen? i appreciate what you're trying to do. but you haven't listened enough to say some of these things. listen for my voice. you ask the questions...and you get the responses, but you're not listening. you always think you have the solutions, when you don't really understand the problem. and you said you're aggravated because i don't communicate--

i'm sorry.

but you're not communicating either. so many people are just lecturing, if anything. i don't want a lecturer. teacher. counselor. unfeeling heart. i have enough of those.

i'm trying to feel alive...trying not to run in circles.. trying to breathe

--

as for the period at the end of that sentence, i still watch for it, because i'm afraid of what it'll lead to..perhaps a search for what's missing

.or misplaced



smear time .and breathe